If that was your dad, he is hot
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.