He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
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For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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