You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
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so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
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im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.