I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.