She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.