You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties