Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
