Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
