I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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