Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
