did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
