Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
