I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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