i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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