guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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