I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
