you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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