I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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