Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
