i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
