this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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