He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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