too bad you live with your parents still
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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