imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
