There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
