i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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