just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
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Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
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I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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