fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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