Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
