Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
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Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
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I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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