OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
