theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
