Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
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So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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