I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
