i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
