Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
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i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
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i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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