Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
