Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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