I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
