im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
