how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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