almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
