i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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