He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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