I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize