I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
