i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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