He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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