i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
