I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
