im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
