I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
