You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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