her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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