My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
