I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
