If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
