if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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