Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
