I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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