dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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